Tips for Asher

[r_vecchio]

It has been rumored that vampires are sexless creatures, no longer interested in sexual intercourse either with normal mortals, or even other Kindred.

Huh, well, that's a shame.

At least it gets better the further you read on.

Although not being totally alive does complicate courtship and copulation...

I think that might be my favorite line.

No, wait. Problems encountered by the average vamp:
 
Lack of Proper Blood Circulation: This is a bigger problem for males rather than females, for obvious reasons...

That's just topped it.

To end on a sad, yet highly amusing note, remember: "Mortals are for chewing, not for screwing."

ooc: I...apologise for Ray. I don't think I can say much more than that...XD

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

'Kindred'?

I couldn't force myself to read much beyond that. Brings back awful memories of the show.

If I were the sort of vampire who lacked 'proper blood circulation'...and a pulse in general, I'm sure this would pull some kinda reaction from me. As things are, though, I'm not, and it doesn't.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I didn't write it.

Oh, you should. It's a great read.

That's reaction enough for me. Are you cold?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

We're not your basic 98.6 degrees if that's what you mean.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

97?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

No... Does it matter...?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Just wanna know if I need to wear an extra layer when around you.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

Extra? ...one would be pushing it, if you ask me, never mind your crazy speak about 'extra'.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

More to unwrap?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

Needless aggravation.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping speed isn't your philosophy throughout.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

Hah, no. No need to worry about that.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Thank Christ.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

He's got nothing to do with it.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Yoga in the evenings? Be one with yourself. Get your heads together.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_classact_/]

Something like that.

[snoopypez.livejournal.com]

_{aaaahahaha, WIN. I love you Ray.}

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

And he loves you too for immortalising his prettiness forever and ever and ever! And, y'know, he aims to please. :P

[snoopypez.livejournal.com]

_{Hee! It was myyyy pleasure. ;P He knows how to repay me. ::snort::}