Tell me again why I do these things...

[r_vecchio]

Mmm, I am Lemon Flavoured. I am bitter and twisted. Expect from me acerbic humour and sharp commentary. While I may seem nasty at first, I'm actually quite good company if I like you, so long as you don't mind a bit of cutting to the chase. What Flavour Are You?

Comments

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Now you're asking for my acerbic humor and sharp commentary? My, Alan, we're getting into dangerous territory here. See, I'm like a Pringle. Once I pop, I find it hard to stop.

Y'know, all I ever seem to taste is a rotten tomato when I talk to you. Think I get the raw end of the deal.

[alan_shore]

*blinks* You just likened yourself to a Pringle. For whom, exactly, is this territory dangerous?

I don't see why you're complaining. Tomatoes are frequently served raw.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

For you. Once I start a-popping, Alan. Once I start a-popping.

Yeah, well I like mine cooked. And not rotten. So I can complain away, don't you think?

[alan_shore]

I suggest you put your mouth where your half-baked food analogies are.

Complain all you like. Complain until you're blue in the face. I've never really heard of a blue lemon, though.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

No-one's popped me yet, Alan. But I'll allow you to do the honors.

When I'm sad I'll be sure to take a photograph.

[alan_shore]

While I appreciate the offer, Ray, and while I suppose a tomato is technically a fruit, my preferences lie elsewhere. I lie elsewhere. Specifically, with women.

Much obliged.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

You can't fight fate, Alan. I see us having a long, long life together, till death - or reaching our use-by dates - do us part, etcetera etcetera.

You can frame it. Or stick me in your wallet.

[alan_shore]

Really. The only way I envision us sharing a long, long life together would be as inhabitants of a prison cell, and since I'm never caught...

I'll say it one more time, Detective Vecchio: I'm not sticking you anywhere.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Then I shall spend my life locked behind bars, dreaming of a love that never was...

You ticklish?

[alan_shore]

Yes, yes. And you can write me eloquently tragic or tragically eloquent letters when not preoccupied with the usual prison activity regimen.

Sorry?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Yeah. And you can sit at your desk pretending not to read them and ever so discreetly wipe away the tears.

Do you always have this much trouble understanding questions?

[alan_shore]

They'll be written that poorly, will they.

When the questions are posed by police officers and not preceded by threats of either violence or arrest? Yes, I tend to become disoriented.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Probably. According to you, my grasp of the English language is so poor I'll be forced to abbreviate the important parts-

i <3 u

-being an example.

Bit of a generalized observation there but whatever. No threats of any kind coming from this direction. Just a simple question.

[alan_shore]

Perhaps you should forgo the letter-writing entirely and invest in a box of those conversation hearts while they're still in season.

Hence the disorientation.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Expect one on your doorstep by the morning.

Okay, let me rephrase. When somebody attempts to tickle you, do you squeal like a little girl? There, still disorientated?

[alan_shore]

Actually, I'd rather you sent it to my office. There's been far too little speculation about my love life of late, and if it continues much longer, I may very well be forced to admit the possibility that the world contains persons other than myself.

No.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Consider it done. Lawyers have love lives now? Woah. Lingering eye contact across the court room, "working" late on cases sorta thing? ...gee, kinky.

No to which?

[alan_shore]

This is news? There's a reason judges are accorded their own private chambers as I was reminded only a few weeks ago.

Disorientation.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Yeah, bet you see the inside of those walls pretty regularly.

You gonna answer the other question then? I'm more than happy to wait and find out for myself, if you'd prefer that.

[alan_shore]

What's more, I occasionally find myself shoved up against them.

While I'm sure a search through the various databases would turn up a number of very colorful anecdotes (not to mention a few choice phrases scrawled in the margins), I don't believe my ticklishness or lack thereof has ever been officially documented.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I can imagine that quite clearly. Ever the submissive one, huh?

Then let's document it, buddy. We ever happen to bump into each other on the street one day, or find ourselves in a fishin' boat together, I'll make it my duty to confirm (or deny) the rumors of your ticklishness.

[alan_shore]

Quoth the meme, "The roles of a tomato are many and varied."

Things slow at the precinct? Waiting on a new batch of coffee?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Somehow I can't see you doing the shoving...

Yeah, you got it. Defense lawyers round here just don't have your expertise so all the perps are ending up in the slammer. Business is slow, so I got the time to document whatever I want.

[alan_shore]

Somehow, I don't imagine you ever will.

It's a date, then.