This is Ray Vecchio and I am OUTRAGED!

[r_vecchio]

I AM NOT FAT!!

My waist is 32". THAT is not FAT! Ask anybody, anybody! I don't even eat your stupid chocolate, Wonka! TAKE THAT, you fiendish toad. With bad hair! And oh, sweet Mary, the WORST glasses I have EVER seen in my ENTIRE life! And I'm gonna carry on eating cheeseburgers and polenta and waffles and calamari BECAUSE I LIKE IT!

So- you can just- just- go and be PURPLE somewhere else! Another Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight will never again pass these lips. I'm on strike. That is all.


(Asher, point me towards Hershey.)

Comments

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Some are already bilingual, Alan. And my forté lies a little closer to converting kilometers to miles. That and tangling with the Canadian mafia. I know, I can hardly believe it either.

[alan_shore]

There are many things I am willing to swallow. The existence of a Canadian mafia is not one of them.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

It's organzied crime, Al. Worldwide. Not all Canadians are that polite and honest.

[alan_shore]

It's a question of population density, not disposition. How can you--and, more importantly, why would you want to--exert control over a region where, in order to inspire any sort of fear, you're continually flying out to the mountains to break the kneecaps of a luckless cabin dwellers? It's impractical.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I get the feeling you've never been to Canada before.

[alan_shore]

But you're willing to concede that my characterization of the Mafia is basically accurate.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

No. I don't think you know the first clue about the Mafia. Canadian or otherwise.

[alan_shore]

Surprisingly generous of you, considering your (purported) familiarity with my preferred legal stratagems.

As it happens, I have been to Canada.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

You've worked with the mob. I'm a trusting guy but even I find that hard to believe.

And flown out to the mountains to break the kneecaps of luckless cabin dwellers.

[alan_shore]

That is...not at all what I just said. It's not even the opposite of what I just said. Was it the compliment that threw you?

To hook hapless fish by the lip, but close.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Probably.

[alan_shore]

Well, in the interests of coherence, from here on out I'll try to keep the compliments to a minimum.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Appreciate it.