This is Ray Vecchio and I am OUTRAGED!

[r_vecchio]

I AM NOT FAT!!

My waist is 32". THAT is not FAT! Ask anybody, anybody! I don't even eat your stupid chocolate, Wonka! TAKE THAT, you fiendish toad. With bad hair! And oh, sweet Mary, the WORST glasses I have EVER seen in my ENTIRE life! And I'm gonna carry on eating cheeseburgers and polenta and waffles and calamari BECAUSE I LIKE IT!

So- you can just- just- go and be PURPLE somewhere else! Another Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight will never again pass these lips. I'm on strike. That is all.


(Asher, point me towards Hershey.)

Comments

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Hell yeah, I have something to prove. Or did you miss the entire point of this entry?

[alan_shore]

That you have a thirty-two-inch waist?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

That Wonka is a lunatic. Read between the lines.

[alan_shore]

He's not the one posting in size 16 font about his intention to never again consume a Sugarlicious Choco-blasted Monster Bar.

Why not step away from the computer and, oh, go for a jog?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

It was a Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight. Better whip out the old ABC book again, Alan, looks like you've got some catching up to do.

I run enough on the job, thanks. Mostly getting guys that people like you lose 'cause they can't do their own jobs properly.

[alan_shore]

But I did get the font size right.

Ray, if you knew the first thing about the way I do my job, you'd know this: I don't make a habit of losing anything.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Congratulations. We knew Alan was a slow learner but he's finally got a grasp on his numbers.

Oh, I've heard things about the way you do your job, Alan. It's the only thing about you that impresses me.

[alan_shore]

IQs, Ray. Let's compare.

I can only imagine how breathtaking competence must be when viewed from a distance.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I would, but I have a Mensa meeting I gotta get to.

It's not your so-called competence that impresses. It's the things you do...behind the scenes that I'm more interested in.

[alan_shore]

And come to think of it, I have a marathon to train for.

If this interest you speak of is professional, I'm sure I needn't remind you that Boston--as well as the happenings behind its curtains and beneath its various trapdoors--is well outside your jurisdiction.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Hope it's not any time soon.

Neither is Canada but that hasn't stopped me.

[alan_shore]

Hasn't stopped you from what? Helping them keep the moose population under control? Translating road signs into French?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Some are already bilingual, Alan. And my forté lies a little closer to converting kilometers to miles. That and tangling with the Canadian mafia. I know, I can hardly believe it either.

[alan_shore]

There are many things I am willing to swallow. The existence of a Canadian mafia is not one of them.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

It's organzied crime, Al. Worldwide. Not all Canadians are that polite and honest.

[alan_shore]

It's a question of population density, not disposition. How can you--and, more importantly, why would you want to--exert control over a region where, in order to inspire any sort of fear, you're continually flying out to the mountains to break the kneecaps of a luckless cabin dwellers? It's impractical.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

I get the feeling you've never been to Canada before.

[alan_shore]

But you're willing to concede that my characterization of the Mafia is basically accurate.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

No. I don't think you know the first clue about the Mafia. Canadian or otherwise.

[alan_shore]

Surprisingly generous of you, considering your (purported) familiarity with my preferred legal stratagems.

As it happens, I have been to Canada.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

You've worked with the mob. I'm a trusting guy but even I find that hard to believe.

And flown out to the mountains to break the kneecaps of luckless cabin dwellers.

[alan_shore]

That is...not at all what I just said. It's not even the opposite of what I just said. Was it the compliment that threw you?

To hook hapless fish by the lip, but close.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Probably.

[alan_shore]

Well, in the interests of coherence, from here on out I'll try to keep the compliments to a minimum.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Appreciate it.